And Keep it Real No Matter What
When it comes to praying, too often, many of us “should on” ourselves. For example, “I shouldn’t be angry when I pray.” Or, “I should be more loving, but I am so upset at this person and furious about that situation.” Or, “I should be over the grieving process after the death of my Dad (or loved one), yet I am so overwhelmed by grief right now.” And, “I am a grown adult, I should know what I want in life, yet I feel so lost.” How do you keep it real without the “shoulds?”
Loss, pain, anger, grief, suffering, and the unknowns are a part of living. So are joy, happiness, gratitude, blessing, and the ordinary, mundane stuff. Sometimes we experience life as a joyous jest, one happy party. Other times life is a fecal fest, a shit-show. Most of the time, life is somewhere in-between. All the stuff of life is fodder for prayer. From joyous jest to the fecal fest, none of it is off-limits with God. Period.
Drop the Shoulds
There are moments in life when we are too angry, too frustrated, or overwhelmed by too much grief that we can’t seem to do anything else. Then we start “shoulding” on ourselves about how we are to pray. We push ourselves internally to be more loving and giving no matter how we feel or what we experience.
Your heart desires to love, but the emotions are too raw and too painful at times. Understand this is okay – it is part of our human experience. The point is to pray with your authentic self and acknowledge where you are right now, not where you should be.
One of the ways to grow deeper in the spiritual life is to have the guts, the grit, to be genuine in who you are, especially with your higher power. Prayer emerges from your heart and not your head or a mental “should.” Speak your truth with the genuine voice of your heart and soul.
A Few of My Favorite Prayers
I resonate with three prayers that are one word each. Anne Lamott has also written a book on these prayers. They are:
- Help – for times of need and moments of fret and worry
- Thanks – gratitude for nearly everything else
- Wow – for times of being amazed by the mystery throughout it all
In addition to the three prayers, one of my favorite Scripture passages is Mark 9:24 – “I believe Lord; help my unbelief.” This verse is about doubt and the struggle to believe. I also pray the passage in various ways by using this one line of prayer as a mantra.
- I am strong Lord; mend my weakness.
- I have courage Lord; bolster my fear.
- I am loving Lord; soothe my hurt.
- I am compassionate Lord; heal my pain.
- I am giving Lord; comment my grief.
Have The Spunk to Keep It Real
I recently discovered the writings and preaching from Nadia Bolz-Weber, a Lutheran pastor in Denver, Colorado. She writes about being both deeply flawed and faithful, all with her authentic voice. She is a spunky pray-er, always keeping it real in life.
Here is one of the best prayers I have read about a shared experience many of us are facing – frustration and a plea for what we need.
A Prayer for 2020
It’s kind of one shit-show after another down here, Lord. The virus, the danger to Black people, the economy, the upcoming elections, and now: fires and hurricanes. I just wanted to make sure you’re still paying attention. Also, we have a list of demands:
We need PPE so the shit doesn’t get on us.
We need the elderly, the immune-compromised, the essential workers, those we love – scratch that – we need everyone else to not get it on them too.
Not everyone can afford their seats anymore – and the snack bar prices are stupid. So we’re gonna’ need more “economic relief.” Now.
We need our kids to be safe but also need them to learn and we need to work our jobs and it seems like we get to have any two of those things but not all three.
We need as many intermissions as possible. Diversions. Breaks. Naps. New Netflix shows.
We need to know that each act has an end.
We need to stay in our seats, but that’s getting harder each day. And this show is terrible. We need you to step the hell up. Comfort our grief, shelter our joy, bind our hearts, increase our strength, and dispel our despair.
And just so you know, WE are still paying attention, thanks for Beyonce. (and for every other musician, painter, writer…
for every other artist who keeps creating new work, reminding us that even during a shit-show, there is beauty and transcendence.) AMEN.
Nadia Bolz-Weber
Key Takeaways
- Growth in the spiritual life is an invitation to authenticity, keeping it real in life
- Let go of the “shoulds” you place on yourself in how you show up with your higher power
- It is okay to pray with all the experiences and emotions of life
Your Turn
No matter how much doubt and struggle, grace shows up even in the mess of life.
What helps you have the courage to be authentic along your spiritual path? What works for you?
Comments always welcome.
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