What pace of life helps you accelerate self-improvement?
Sometimes faster is not always better, especially when it comes to transformation in your life. Go at the pace you need to generate change. Be mindful of what speed limit works best for you.
Patience with Self
I confess I struggle with self-patience in my work through transformation. Personal growth and integration take time. Sometimes I lose patience with myself, thinking I have to sprint toward change. In reality, I am running or walking a marathon.
Know there will be setbacks. Old patterns are a challenge to re-work. The rough edges in our lives, those patterns of behavior that we do not like about ourselves, never entirely go away. They can be smoothed out over time. You have to keep honing your practice to keep pushing forward toward change. Personal growth happens over a lifetime, not a one-and-done deal.
Monitor the Self-Talk
Make an effort to keep your critical self-talk in check. Keep the volume high on the positive tone. Give yourself a wide berth to make mistakes. Refrain from beating yourself up over ingrained patterns that take a long time to change. I know, easier said than done.
Sometimes, instead most times, I am my own worst critic. When I was in college, I use to be a leader for my high school retreat. I went to an all-girls Catholic high school, and we would go on a four-day retreat during our Senior year. It was an incredible experience of coming to terms with our fragile selves, both our frailties and our strengths. The leaders reminded us that “God don’t make junk.” We are deeply loved – unconditionally. The core of our goodness has been within us from our beginning.
You Have a Choice
During one retreat I was leading, one of the teachers who was also a leader, gave us some life advice in her talk. She said it bluntly, “shit happens, but you don’t have to sit in it.” I remember that line to this day. The phrase reminds me that I have a choice in how I respond to my mistakes and my inner critic. I have an opportunity to either grow and learn from the error or to diminish myself and beat myself up over the failure. The response is my choice.
Do more of affirming the insights and less of beating yourself up. Make the choices to do things differently more often than deciding to live with the crap (you don’t have to sit in it). Celebrate the small victories of new behavior. Do more of the positive self-coaching, and turn down the volume of your inner critic.
Go at Your Pace for Self-Improvement
Walk with care when the thorns of criticism that get thrown across your path, especially from your self-resistance. Keep reminding yourself, “it is OK.”
Growth happens. Be patient with yourself in the process.
I welcome your comments.
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